Challenges

I’m overwhelmed, working here. My second day, I cracked the entire length of the nail on my big toe, about ¾ the way down. I am terrified of it breaking off, and just the sight of it disgusts me. The top part is all purple and crushed, while the bottom is stained red with blood and chipped pieces of nail.

What has happened to my pretty, pink and white pedicured feet?

I was foolish enough to play football with the boys at the shelter, that’s what.

The children were exceedingly concerned when they saw me limping off the field. Once a single child caught glimpse of my toe, she began to scream at the sight and the others all came running. They were chanting “So sorry, auntie, sorry, oh noh sorry… Fohgeeve us, please! Auntie!”

They crowded around me, pounding their chests with their fists, begging forgiveness and threatening the boy who had kicked the offending ball- with death. Together they formed quite the violent little mob.

I think the children thought I was going to cane them all, in revenge for my pummeled nail. In fact, they were all so distraught that I knew I couldn’t openly cry with them watching, despite the pain I was feeling. I gritted my teeth into a stiff, manic grin and reassured them that I was okay, that no one was in trouble. “Accidents happen!” I sang out, carefree as I could muster.

Before I could escape the heap of alarmed, angry, and noisy children at my feet, Auntie Diana approached me, carrying Fiskars scissors. “OOH!” she exclaimed upon seeing the blood. “Bee steel, yo. I remove dah nail fore you, got dah cuttahs heah. ”

… No thank you, Auntie.

I excused myself and went into the girls’ washroom to clean up and (let’s be honest) have a good cry in privacy, away from the concerned crowd. With a sprained ankle on one foot and on the other, a newly missing toenail, I was hurting and very much freaked out.

Little did I know this incident was only the beginning of the challenges I would be facing here at the Shelter for Abused Children.

The washroom was appalling. I ended up crying there because of the condition of the room, not because of the pain in my toe. It felt as if everything, all at once- my pain, the abuse and neglect the children had been through, the adults' indifference to their suffering, and now this washroom- was leading up to this very moment in which I felt completely overcame by the weight of it all. The stall was covered in cobwebs and insects, and the sinks didn’t produce any water. The toilets didn't flush. Most disturbingly, there was no toilet paper or soap to be found.

This is especially problematic because many of the children seem to be quite sick, with body-wracking coughs and open sores on their arms and legs. Children often forget to be hygienic, even with the American availability of flushable wipes and automatic soap dispensers- how realistic was it to expect these kids to even think to ask for paper and soap every time they used the washroom? It seemed like an aggressive breeding ground for infection.

Upon asking the staff, I was informed that the children tend to steal and horde washroom supplies, and that is why they are all kept in the office. The children must ask for paper or soap if they want it, and then they are only given what they will use in the one visit. I question the rationale of that response to the theft- wouldn’t a smaller supply create a greater motivation for stealing and hording? Events transpired later which made me question the truthfulness of this already inadequate explanation altogether…but more on that soon.

Weak and pampered and American as I am, I maintain an expectation that my day-to-day life will not consist of- or even include- pain; so I sat out of the games for the rest of the day. I felt sorry for myself and exhausted while I halfheartedly watched the kids, nursing my toe and secretly wondering why no one had made a bigger fuss over my now non-existant nail.

But after I'd calmed down, I began to actually see what was right in front of me- and what I saw made me feel very ashamed of myself. Despite the bright sunshine, the kids didn't seem to take note of their own disabilities, their own brutal coughs, their open sores, their dark bruises, or even their angry scars.

In the end, my hurt foot could not compare to the injuries many of the children have sustained, some at the hands of their own guardians. No one ever told them that life would be painless, or fair, and they clearly don’t hold that expectation. Perhaps they gave each injury a moment of acknowledgment- "Oh, so sorry,"- and then shrugged and moved onto the next thing, because they had to, because that's all they are able to do. One injury blends in with the next, without any single incident standing out in their minds. In this world, pain has continuity. It is only the source of pain, or type of pain, that varies.

And so accordingly, one by one, the children lost interest in my bloody stump. They possess knowledge I could never have- of the ceaseless opportunities (and painful probabilities) for agony both physical and emotional, which life steadily dispenses. Nevertheless, they wandered back into the field- into the next moment, fearlessly fighting the good fight, to play again.

The Lawyer

The girls have begun to ask me to take them home with me. “I go with you,” one will yell. Another will push her away. “No, mee!” They crawl up my legs, pull at my arms, play with my hair, and plop in my lap. "You take mee, mee, dah plane. To Amareecah. I go with you."

I know a part of their desire to leave with me is that I am gentle with them. I hold their hands softly, reprimand quietly, kiss the tops of their heads when they are upset. I don’t think they’ve gotten much kindness during their difficult young lives. But I’m not so vain as to believe the children want to leave their country and everything they know, just because I’m so great. They are motivated by the vague idea of getting away from there, from their lives as they’ve turned out so far.

One little girl, we’ll call her Rebecca, is older and speaks pretty good English. Rebecca told me that she wants to become a lawyer. She says once she has gotten out of the shelter and back to her grandma's, and once she has sold enough peppers to buy her uniform and schoolbooks, and once she has worked her way through law school, and once she has obtained her degree, she will come find me in the U.S. to prove that she accomplished it- and wouldn’t I be proud of her?

I told her out loud I would be very proud of her when she came to find me in the US with her degree- yet in my mind, I was wondering how many hundreds of thousands of peppers it would take to pay for an entire education from the eighth grade through law school.

The obstacles these children face are overwhelming. It is against my nature to admit I'm feeling this way, but it seems like most of the children are damned no matter how much of an effort they will make to change their lives. The system is against them. It normally seems to favor the parent’s side of the story and has poorly enforced laws concerning the compulsory nature of education and the rights of a child. It’s normal to assume that if a child claims he or she has been “beaten”, that the beating was no more serious than the child’s offense and the child must’ve deserved whatever punishment was given. If a child has run away, it is because the child is “naughty”, or because of a bad spirit who has taken up residence in the child’s soul when the child wasn’t being vigilant against evil.

Adults seem to have too little concern for what type of situation would motivate a child to choose a street life over their home life.

The odds are stacked against these children. I find myself wondering for how many years Rebecca will be able to maintain her resolve to attend school, and how she will feel if and when she finally is forced to give up her dreams. She has no encouragement or support from a stable parent figure. She has been alone in this fight for an education her entire life. How long can a child be expected to keep fighting that losing battle alone?

Of course, that is not to say that I will not encourage her to follow her dreams. Indeed, some of the children are blessed in that they do find a supportive family member. Some, through their dogged determination, may even be able to find a financial sponsor to help them reach their goals. So I will encourage these children to chase their dreams for as long as they desire, for as long as they still can. I will do everything in my power to help them along their way, in the short time I am here.

But in order to understand these children’s reality, it is essential to consider the reason why everyone is so thrilled when a child earns a college degree here. It’s because an education is not a likely outcome, for any of them. When one child is able to change his or her life for the better, it is a success story, but it’s also a fluke, a rarity, a miracle… whatever term you prefer for an unlikely, one-in-a-million kind of happy ending.

If this trip has done anything, it has cemented my desire to adopt. These children are all so beautiful, but they are wasting away in this system. I know a lot of them have more problems then they wish to let on. But I believe if Zach and I have the opportunity to adopt a child or a baby, we could be such a happy family- and we would have contributed just a little bit more to the world than if we had only cared for our biological children. I'm so looking forward to my wedding and then starting a family- and I know more strongly than ever that adoption will be a key element to completing our family.

"YOU AH WEL-CAAAHM!" (Introduction to the Shelter for Abused Children)

After touring the two other agencies in the Industrial Home for Children complex last week, I formally began my practicum at my official site, the Shelter for Abused Children. The Shelter is the agency at which I will stay for the remainder of my time in Ghana. I have been there for a couple of weeks now, but because of the intensity of the work and the number of stories I’ve felt compelled to record, I fell into the bad habit of only writing notes at the end of each day- without taking the time to sort out the stories in a coherent and chronological way. I am now playing catching up!

We’ll start with my first day at the Shelter, which began with an introduction to the agency from the social worker, Bella. "You ah wel-caaahm!" she proclaimed, as did a swarm of children when we first entered the grounds.

Bella explained to us that the Shelter serves as a temporary residence for children in varied circumstances, including abused children who are awaiting court appointed placements, children who have been victims of trafficking, and children who have been victimized through child marriages. Missing children, many of who also fit into the previously mentioned categories, are also placed at the Shelter until their families are located. Ideally, no child is supposed to stay at the Shelter for more than three months. After that time, if a child’s case has not been resolved, the child is supposed to be moved to a residential home for children.

The children at the Shelter do not attend school. I was told, because of the temporary nature of the shelter, that the children aren’t missing much education and that additionally, it would be too arduous for the agency to find an appropriate school in which to enroll each child- most of the children are not on the grade level that corresponds to their age.

Instead of school, the children have two child-care providers (Aunty Diana and Aunty Coral) who hold an informal schoolhouse during the mornings. There doesn’t seem to be an official start and stop time to the lessons, which sometimes take place and sometimes do not. The unofficial lessons consist of ABCs, 123s, basic addition and subtraction, and memorizing and rehearsing worship songs about Jesus.

Faaahdah, leeed me

Dey by dey!

Ehhhhhva, een thine own sweet whey!

Teach me too

bee p-yowah and troo,

Shooooow me what

eye ought to dooo!

Many of the children, especially the ones who are totally illiterate, don’t participate in the academics. But singing and dancing proved to be the favored lesson on my first day for all the children, and every single day since. To put it simply, the kids come alive when they make music. Unlike children in the U.S., none of the kids were remotely embarrassed to sing and dance; in fact they do so constantly, energetically, and with complete abandon. They loved performing for us students, and they clearly love Auntie Diana, their caregiver, who is a veritable encyclopedia of children’s songs and games.

Auntie Diana is the type of childcare provider American mothers and fathers dream about for their kids. She is interactive with the kids, and literally seems to have eyes in the back of her head. She doesn’t “sit with no shit, no foh no chiljren and no foh no time”, she told me firmly. “Nuh-uh. Oooh! Dey ah naughty chiljren!”

But I can see, the kids know from her warmth and attention that she cares for them, and they love her. Aunty Diana is able to create different games for the children out of rocks, sticks, and the dirt in the courtyard (because, let's face it, they don’t have much else). Together with Auntie Diana, the children have drawing contests, throwing contests, running contests, acting contests. They sing, and sing, and sing.

And they pray.

The prayer here is also boisterous. The Christian children cover their eyes and flail their limbs, crying out to the Lord with fervency. The Muslim children drop to their knees multiple times throughout the day. They bow over and over the ground, speaking quickly, feverishly, continuously, under their breathes- their cheeks puffing quickly, to keep up with their soundless requests.

It was easy to momentarily forget why these children were here. Every opportunity to laugh was taken, joyously, by everyone. It was easy to get caught up in their wild frolicking, their silly dancing, and to catch yourself laughing along… and then, suddenly, to remember.

If they weren’t so thin, if they weren’t dressed in rags and covered in sores and scars, a stranger probably wouldn’t even begin to guess at how painful their short lives have been so far. The fact is that each one of them has very recently experienced extreme trauma or neglect at the hands of the people who were supposed to love and care for them. Each child has prayers that they need to be fulfilled. “Pleese Lord,” they pray, screaming to the sky, whispering to the earth. “Pleese.”

They are taught that if you pray hard enough, your prayers will be answered.

So when these children pray, they pray with everything they have- with energy. With love. With desperation. Yet somehow, still, with hope. With the perfect faith that, fittingly, only a child can possess.

Weekend at Cape Coast: The Slave Castle

Weekend at Cape Coast
Dr. Sossou arranged for us to take a weekend vacation on the beach, as this weekend is the national holiday of Ghanaian independence. Two major activities were planned for the weekend: touring the Slave Castle and hiking in the Cocum Rainforest. The rest of our time will be spent simply enjoying the beach resort and working very hard on our tans. : )

Yesterday, we toured the Slave Castle. The Slave Castle was originally built as a fort for the British, but it exchanged hands many times among quarreling Europeans. But for most of its existence, it was developed and utilized as a storing and shipping point for African slaves to be taken to Europe or the New World. It may seem difficult to imagine that such a beautiful building could’ve imprisoned, tortured, and doomed so many thousands of innocent lives. It is a massive white castle, towering up to the sky and facing the sea. But the scene seems ominous from the beginning, because the sea is violent here. The waves crash upon jagged black shore stone, relentless.

We viewed the museum, which gave a brief history of slavery in Ghana. The museum included artifacts from the beginning to the end of the slave trade here. They provided estimates of over 25 million enslaved Africans having been forced from their home and into foreign hells. A small diagram proved to be the most disturbing artifact in the museum to me. The diagram illustrated how traders maximized space on the ships in order to transport as many Africans as possible in one trip. The diagram showed figures of men with their arms pinned to their sides, their necks and backs and limbs bent at impossible angles, some upside down, some right side up- one atop another…

The transport time from Africa to the destinations could more than three months. Because of the manner of storing the Africans, there would have been no way to let anyone out to stretch or to relieve themselves. Therefore, many Africans died just on the journey. I can’t imagine the confused horror of such a voyage, after being torn away from your homeland. How many Africans suffered from posttraumatic stress disorder for the rest of their lives, just from the experience of the voyage alone?

We toured the castle after the museum. Normally I hate tours, and especially tour guides, because they manage to cheese up really significant experiences- but our tour guide was Oscar, and Oscar was different. Oscar had a wide knowledge base, and a gentle manner. He carried the weight of Slave Castle’s history in his eloquent, soft voice. He seemed to understand that the history he was telling was true, that it had all really happened.

Oscar led us through storage dungeons, where captured Africans were warehoused for about six weeks at a time before actually being shipped out. The storage dungeons were underground, damp, and frightening. In many of the dungeons, there was no light but a complete, consuming darkness that by itself could drive a person to insanity. We were shown areas on the walls were people had bitten into the concrete or scratched at the stone with their bare nails, driven mad by the despair of it all.


I’m not sure if I believe in ghosts, but I knew if there were any in existence, they would have to be there beside me, inside this castle on the coast. I felt they would have to be furious, a type of ghost born out of desperation and rage. And I felt haunted by it all, by us living men, our ability and desire to organize ourselves and our architecture together purely in order to commit momentous and historic evil.

I wanted to leave. It was a beautiful castle, but now I understood why the sea was so angry, why the coast was so broken and barren and sharp. Something dark had occurred here- and not once, but over and over and over, by many different countries, by thousands of different men, over hundreds of years. I couldn’t stand s being in the exact spot where women had had their babies ripped from their arms, where women had then been raped and forced to have more children, and that those were taken too. Like livestock animals. And I couldn’t shake the reality of the fact that men had died here, and by cruel, slow means. Even if they survived, their lives and perhaps their sanity were still stolen from them, all those possibilities, gone forever.